Yvette's Story

Yvette and Andrew have been together for nearly 25 years, building a life around their fourth-generation family farm. But eleven years ago, Andrew was diagnosed with ME/CFS,  this  profoundly changed their lives. Here, Yvette shares what it's really like to care for someone with ME/CFS, the hidden challenges they face daily, and why she's determined to raise awareness within their farming community and beyond.

“Andrew and I have been a couple for almost 25 years, and when we first got together, the way we navigate life today is not what we ever imagined. 

“Just a month after I proposed to Andrew, he was injured in a farming accident — an event that marked the beginning of a long and difficult journey.  It took almost two years before he was diagnosed with ME/CFS. Although the diagnosis brought some clarity and relief, at the time we didn’t fully understand how much the condition would progress or how Andrew’s health would decline.  Life continues to change and it gets harder as each year goes by.  Farming is a challenging life and when a chronic illness is added into the mix, it can make even the most routine tasks feel overwhelming, testing both physical endurance and emotional resilience.

“Andrew is a fourth-generation beef and sheep farmer, and whilst he continues to work on the farm, his symptoms, including chronic pain and debilitating fatigue, are a significant barrier to daily activities and social interaction.  He cannot manage many of the jobs he once enjoyed such as clipping sheep, as he doesn’t have the strength and is unable to physically hold the livestock.

“We are a close-knit family and it’s a case of pulling together to support in any way we can.  Farming is Andrew’s way of life, it’s his passion, and I do what I can to ensure that this continues.  It does of course have a knock-on effect on family and our social life, and I feel that I have made sacrifices.  For instance, sometimes I would like to go out with friends, but Andrew is too exhausted, and I don’t have the time as I have commitments on the farm and to care for Andrew. There is a lot of work that I support with on the farm – work that we thought Andrew could do but can no longer manage.  I also work full-time; and before and after work, and at the weekends, I help on the farm and step in on those days where Andrew can’t get out of bed or find the strength to leave the house. Lambing time for instance is a huge juggle for two months of the year.

Physical and emotional support

“It’s not just the physical support;  living with someone who has ME/CFS means also providing emotional support and I try to lift his spirits if he is having a down day. Andrew becomes increasingly frustrated when he is unable to complete a task he once used to do with ease and he finds this upsetting. The constant pain he suffers can wear him down emotionally.  Without that passion for the farm, I think Andrew would lose focus and it would affect his mental health and wellbeing – farming is his life.

“People often don’t understand; they see him working on the farm and think he looks ok, but he’s put all that energy into the working day and what they don’t see is Andrew being carried back into the house as he’s too fatigued to walk; or he is unable to get undressed to get into bed. 

“Sometimes we cannot attend community events or social gatherings with friends as Andrew cannot physically do anymore – and what people don’t see are the symptoms that he is experiencing – the muscle and joint pain, fatigue, blurry vision, the inability to regulate his temperature, light-headedness and dizziness. The list goes on.

“Andrew is living with ME/CFS every day and has been for 13 years, it is very difficult, yet the carer is affected too, and I am dedicated to helping raise awareness.  We both want to bring visibility to this condition.”